Connect
by smasher2k
Summary: A story involving Joy Masterton and Stella from Bad girls
1. Chapter 1

**Connect**

Stella sat in the middle of the recreation area of Broadfield's Women's Prison. Today was the same as any other day there and will be the same as any other day that would come until she was released.

The daily grind of prison life was getting to her and the incident which had happened at Larkhall only the week previously had become common knowledge in her block. With many prisons applauding her for going for a Screw but calling her an idiot for it as well. She had been two weeks away from parole at that time and now she had added another six months to her sentence.

All of the prisons thought she had flipped, perhaps she had. And she had attacked her as some sort of revenge. But she wasn't about to tell them why she had and the fact that the woman was her mother.

If anyone was to found out that information her life would be over. A prisoner can't have a screw for a mother.

"Gough…"

Stella's head came up at the mention of her surname. And she noticed a prison office standing in front of her, she hadn't even realized that anyone was near her.

"Gough…." The woman said again.

Stella looked at the woman before speaking.

"Yes Miss?"

"Letter for you." The officer said offering the letter to Stella.

"Are you sure Miss?" Was her response.

She didn't usually get letters. The last time she had got anything it had been her birthday , and all it was, was a card from her foster parents saying they wanted nothing to do with her once she was released.

"Unless there is another Stella Gough in this wing. This letter is definitely for you." The officer said placing the letter in front of her.

Stella looked at the letter and took it back to her cell with her, for once thankfully that she had a cell to herself. She sat down her on her bed and opened the letter after staring at it fearfully of the contents

_Stella,_

_I'm not sure that this letter is going to be welcome at all, but please take a moment to read it. This is my pathetic attempt to explain what happened then and what happened between us recently and ultimately apologize for what has happened. _

_As you already figured, you being born was something which I hadn't planned to happen, it was just a long line of events which happened. You see I never planned to have children, the thought never passed through my mind. All I wanted to do was concentrate on was my career in the army._

_You were right to say that I didn't think through sleeping with you father. As I have said already I was drunk and was trying to prove something to my regiment, to cover up my sexual preference._

_In those days you couldn't be a woman, gay and in the army._

_But I went the wrong around that situation and the consequence was you._

_You asked me why I didn't have an abortion, and I told you I would of have had one if I could have had one. I wished I had never told you that. For a second I considered it, but didn't go through with it. But to tell you like that, that was tantamount to a slap in the face and I apologize for that._

_And the story about the rape was stupid, and the only way at the time I thought I could control the situation. By making the reason i didn't want you being that you were a rapist child something which had you stigmatized. It was dumb to cry wolf like that and especially after what you said about your own rape idiocy, I'm not sure if you would believe me when I say this, but after you told me that all I wanted to do was hold you._

_But as for you saying that I didn't want you, I wanted you so much. That was the reason for my tattoo as a reminded everyday of what I lost when I gave you. But at that time I couldn't cope with the situation. And I wished I had the guts to find you instead of the other way around _

_But I didn't, and from that moment the situation spiralled out of control. The way I treated you was wrong, and the way I told you everything was wrong as well. But I was scared._

_You said try harder to me, and I hope this is a start, A fresh start for both us, because know that we have found each other again I don't want to lose you._

_Hopefully we can connect someday. So I can come what I want to be and what you want me to be._

_You're Mum._

Stella sat there, tears in the side of her eyes The letter had been something that she had not expected.

The feelings that had been in the letter, unexpected considering what her experience of her mother had been like.

She walked across to one of her drawers and pulled out some paper and a pen and sat at her desk poised to write.

One thought prevalently in her mind.

The need she felt to connect with her mother too.

Part 1 of ?


	2. Chapter 2

**Joy was seated at her desk, her eyes surveying it, the mounds of paperwork on it taking it over, all of which had built up since she had taken leave. There was only so much that Louise could do in helping to run the prison day by day, therefore causing her what was going to be an administration headache for a few days, This being the only part of her job that she really hated, the paperwork which built up daily in relation to running of the whole prison. Situation reports from the wings, reports about singular prisoners and budget reports, not something which she wished to tie herself down too on her first day back from leave.**

**That is if you could call it leave; less than two hours after it started, all chaos broke loss and destroyed what it was for her.**

**She had got the call that Natalie Buxton had escaped; but even the thought of an escaped convict could tear her away from the only thought that had been in her head.**

**The one person she couldn't stop thinking about.**

**Stella.**

**Her 25 year old daughter that had recently turned up, and had changed her life forever.**

**Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a letter sitting on the corner of the desk, standing out so much from the official letters which littered the area around it, the scrawled address on the front and the HMP frank pulling her eye to it. Reaching over she picked it up and stared at it, The frank revealing straight away where the letter had come from and also revealing who the letter must be from.**

**There was a knock on her door, and she put down the letter in front of herself on her desk. Exasperated at the person behind the door come at that exact moment and disturbing the chance to read that letter in front of her.**

**"Come" she spoke aloud**

**In walked Lou Stokes, G wing Governor.**

**"Welcome Back Joy. I hope you break was restful."**

**"My leave is something I care not to discuss with" Joy said her voice completely flat, no emotion within it at all. "What can I do for you then?"**

**"Nothing; I thought I would just welcome you back."**

**"Is that all? If you could excuse me then I have a lot of work to get on with."**

**Lou left quietly, rebutted by Joys answer. **

**She picked up the letter in front of her and tore in to; intrigued about the contents of it after hearing nothing since she posted that letter long ago. Making her think she had lost her for her good. She pulled out the letter and started to read,**

_I'm not sure how to start this letter. I'm not even sure what I should call you. _

_Mum, Joy, Miss Masterton or even just Miss. _

_I didn't expect to receive a letter from you after what happened while I was Larkhall. I did think that the bridge between us had been burnt completely and there was never going to be a chance of it been rebuilt._

_Perhaps this should have been the way I introduced myself to you, by letter, not by arriving and breaking the news so suddenly and expecting you to accept it straight away _

_That's why I never expected to receive a letter of you. Not after what I did to you and not after I thought you wanted nothing to do with me again after I was shipped out and you didn't even try and see me and give me any words of goodbye or even a reassurance that you would contact me and some point to talk about this whole mess_

_But I can see why know. It takes longer thnt two days to adjust the fact your long lost daughter who you placed for adoption coming back into your life, demanding to be accepted straight away and not understand the reasons why you kept pushing me away._

_From what the others said when I was there, I thought you were heartless by the end of my stay there the same way they everyone else thinks about you. The honesty in that letter was not expected and I was unsure about it straight away; this is why it has taken me time to even consider writing this letter but like you I do want to connect again _

_So I start with an apology myself, jumping you, it should not of happened. I was anger and I lashed out. Lashed out because the way the file had given me a perception of you, which like all fiction fails to live up to the actually reality. _

_After what you said about the abortion and the rape I had to confront you. I felt like you didn't want me and that hurt. And I wanted you to hurt as well, by telling you how my life had been and especially about my rape. _

_I think I can understand why you did. A woman in your position; in the army; couldn't really turn up and the Social Services and say you were given me up due to a drunken one stand. So I guess the rape story came about due to you trying to keep some face. But of course; I built my birth into some big fairytale and lashed out at you because it didn't have its happy ending._

_Of course I wish I could change is the way I came around to be born. But at least I know I am not the product of some sordid rape, which caused me to be around because man forced himself on it. Being a product of a one night stand may not feel that much better but at least it means I can some good feelings about my father now. Whoever; he may be. _

_Something struck with me with that letter, especially the section about you saying you wanted to hold me. I wished so much you would during my time. That you would pull me into arms and tell me that I was loved and wanted and everything was going to be okay._

_But it seems that we are stubborn as each other in terms of saying things aloud _

_But I agree with you, we need to talk and soon. Actually connect over this whole thing. As I so want you to be my mum as well._

_So perhaps when I am released we can talk away from the prisoners and the screws._

_Perhaps we can help each other._

_So here's hoping; hoping that we have a future together of some sort _

_Stella_

**Joy put the letter back down on the table. Stella wanted her as well. **

**But she wasn't going to wait until her release. She was going to start to get to know her sooner. Be damned the consequences; if anyone at Larkhall or area found out.**

**She had a second chance with her daughter, the one thing that she wanted the most at that time.**

**Picking up the phone she dialed a number, and spoke clearly to the person who answered.**

**"I am hoping you can arrange this for me. I need to see one of your prisoners."**

_A/N –It has taken a while but finally an update to this story. Or more on the line of the fact I found this story on a SD card I thought had lost years ago. So enjoy and review. Perhaps I can get my fictions writing juices back!_


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